Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Effects of Graduate School OR Read, Write, Sleep at Table in Books, Repeat

True to my word, I am reduced to blogging about once a week. Until I can take care of my employment problems and catch up in my readings, I won't be blogging as often as I'd like, but hopefully this won't last very long. I've come to look forward to blogging and I hope you, dear readers, have come to wait anxiously for a new post.

One thing I've realized about graduate school is not only its importance (I figured that out a LONG time ago) but its impact and effect on other essential areas of my life. It has not only taken over my life but has also managed to bump other priorities to the back burner, if not off the stovetop entirely. (Pardon the weak pun). Here's how things have played out in each of the arenas.

WORK: I have, once again, reduced my availability at work, so that I have more time for school. It occurred to me last night (as I was grouchy and putting out inventory) that I no longer value my time at work. Everything associated with work is no longer worth the $10.25/ hour that I get paid. I used to pick up hours, stress about making money to pay bills, cram all my obligations into a repeated twenty-four hour period. But I'm no longer motivated by money. Understaffed, underpaid, and overworked has created a noxious situation for me and I am struggling to find a way out. I'm beginning to think that I will find the solution sooner than I expect.

CYCLING: I can't remember the last time I rode my bike. (I think that covers it).

[On a general fitness level, I went to the gym a couple of weeks ago and that was GREAT! I just have to find more time to make it happen. I think I'm gaining the Grad School Thirty!]

SEX LIFE: I have become so focused and stressed from school that it has mostly killed any desire I may have had to be intimate with a certain man. Believe me, it crosses my mind. And so does the endless To-Do list of readings, memos, and research. The impending deadlines for assignments makes me cringe, not aroused. There is NOTHING arousing about the work I have to get done.

SOCIAL LIFE: The state of my social life (or lack thereof) comes as no surprise to me. I knew what I was getting myself into and even took measures to let my friends know "Hey, I love you, but you won't be seeing me for awhile". Understatement. I hole myself up in the MPP building on a daily basis, walking between the building and my car and rarely anywhere else on campus. You can find me in one of three places: MPP building, library, my home. If you come to any of these places at the appropriate time, you will see me, get a big longer-than-usual hug, a little bit of bitching and moaning (sorry!), and then back to huddling over my books and computer. These are my new habits. I would love to break them and I will. In 7.5 months.

RELIGION: Grad school has not made me more or less religious, but it's certainly impeding on my religious convictions. We're in the throes of the High Holy Days and I have not been to services, nor will I probably go. My decision to miss services at this important time of year stems from the fact that I have already missed several classes in the last few weeks for travel and conference (re: job opportunities). All this missed class is making me feel guilty for skipping a day for religious observance. I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. As I type this, I am on the fence as to whether to fast today or not, even though I won't be in services. There's a bowl of fruit and yogurt next to me, but I have yet to touch it. I think my indecisiveness will ultimately lead me to just blow off eating and fast anyway.

I hope that as we progress through the semester and presentations pass, I will be able to do one or more of the above. I miss them all dearly (just as I miss you) and might just snap. This isn't true, but it would be nice to have a day off for friends and frivolity. So: please be extra lighthearted for me! I will return the favor eventually. :)

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