Impending Deadlines

In case you haven't seen me lately and have been hoping to see me soon, here are seven reasons as to why you won't see me for the next 4 weeks (sorry Scorchers!).

1. Monday, April 8: First draft of MPR is due
2. Thursday, April 11: Op-Ed & Book review due
3. Wednesday, April 24: Transportation policy paper due 
4. Friday, May 3rd: MPR is due

In addition to these due dates, there's:

• Parking studies: Wed. April 3, Thurs. April 4, Mon. April 8, and Tues. April 9*
• Presentations: TWO presentations on Tuesday, April 30, one for my MPR and the other for a campaign strategy assignment.
• Work: I just put in for extended leave from employment! BUT... I will be using the work time to spend late nights finishing papers.
• Packing: My partner and I have decided to be completely moved out, with our belongings in storage, by the time graduation rolls around. 

I'm at a crossroads in which things are falling comfortably into place, but I've begun to question how I will handle the constant stress of the coming weeks. I've turned to cigarettes and Adderall before to get through crunch times like these and I'm wondering which is worse: addictive tobacco or a mild, legal form of speed? [Opinions and comments welcomed!]

My thesis is ongoing and I'm tying up loose ends. I feel one hell of a bonfire beneath my butt when it comes to the deadlines but as things start to knock off, it will be easier. In the meantime, please forgive me for being absent for the next four weeks. Check back; you may find rants, epiphanies, and other commentaries on here. Hopefully, some successes too. :)

*Still looking for volunteers to help with parking studies. Reach out for information!*

This is, more or less, how I'm feeling about my deadlines. Where's the water?!

Win Some, Lose Some, Keep Going

A few weeks ago, we began formatting our MPRs. A tiny milestone, if you will, in that the document has been formed and we can now Ctrl + C and Ctrl + V any material we write as we go along. Already, I'm much farther along than I thought I would be. It's a sigh of relief that I am still on track.

But sadly, for every sigh of relief there can be some steam coming out of my ears. I've gotten the run-around from the M Center in trying to get data on comprehensive fees and incomplete information. My question: how are they not tracking that? Have they never heard of the old adage "Record EVERYTHING"?! There was also a delay in both getting the carpool pilot program off the ground and running my parking studies. I went back to the drawing board and am confident that I will find success next week, when I'll spend my days cruising around campus all day, counting cars. {Which, speaking of,  I'm looking for volunteers to ride with me in the golf cart and take numbers. Contact me if you're interested.}

Other than these delays, things are moving fairly smoothly. As I'm sure is the case with my colleagues, I'm struggling with getting started and staying focused. Between Passover, Spring Break, and the Supreme Court hearings on marriage equality, it's been hard to just sit down and write.

But it's important that I do. April 8th is my draft deadline; that's 12 days away. And after it's been submitted, I will have less than 30 days to edit it and hope it is worthy that I should graduate in May.

My inability to focus and write efficiently is inducing a level of panic and anxiety that has the potential to grow. BUT (my partner certainly benefits from this), my coping mechanisms have kicked in: cooking, cleaning, and baking.

In the last two days, I have made this, this, and this. The last one is the first item I ever made from Smitten Kitchen, for a Passover seder at Alyssa's last year. I've learned a lot about baking from that first experiment (I learned that meringues expand, so don't double the recipe like I did!) and I haven't wanted to stop since. Not to play into the stereotype, but I really do love being in the kitchen. I probably get it from Mom and I hope to be as good as her one day (ask Dad). In addition to these delicious foods for Passover, we're celebrating Anne & Riley's birthdays tomorrow with cakes for each of them (click their names for a sneak peek). I won't be able to eat them due to them not being Kosher for Passover, but I'll be making one of these instead.

In the meantime, I am FINALLY sitting down to write, first by hand and then on the computer (I'm old-fashioned). Tonight is a clothing swap at the house. Clearly, I am doing everything possible to avoid writing my thesis. If you have any advice on how to keep moving, how to stay focus, anything along those lines, it is greatly appreciated.

The only difference between my situation and this one is that I'm not drinking coffee. 

But my hair is actually that crazy!

Conferencing, Networking, and Nerding Out

Graduate school, I've learned, is not just about writing a big fancy paper in order to get a different kind of fancy paper. Graduate school is also about juggling this big fancy paper with exposure to the outside world, while maintaining your sanity.

As you learned a few weeks ago, my thesis work (well, a small portion of it) was accepted to a research conference in Los Angeles. In addition to showing my work at this conference, I also attended a Complete Streets conference in which I got to hear from and interact with the big names in Complete Streets from across the country. My weekend in LA has proven to be a useful one: I took notes, met people, exchanged business cards, and even got to take a hike and get some much-needed sun. A lot happened in a period of 4.5 days, so please bear with me as I fill you in on my Southern California adventure!

Wednesday, February 27
Other than running a lecture on transit and other collective modes for my Cal class, Wednesday went smoothly. Minus the fact that my flight was delayed twice and then ultimately cancelled. While I made a decently timed flight in the end, dealing with throwing clothes into my bag and rushing off to the airport is not my idea of fun or relaxing. Instead, I got in late and opted for a couch over an air mattress (an overall great decision).

Thursday, February 28
Conferencing Day 1: Complete Streets

This conference was held in downtown LA (DTLA). Opening talks started at 8.30am, but my day began LONG before that. By staying in Redondo with my sister (free of charge), I was committing myself to a weekend of transit adventures. Fine by me. Even being at the Aviation Metro Station at 7am was worth it. One day pass, two line transfers, and three trains before a ten-minute walk to the hotel gave me a great opportunity to see the surrounding environment and get a sense of the transit scene.

At the conference, I heard from engineers, planners, coordinators, and city officials. I heard talks about what works (Seattle), what's popping up (LA parklets), and how it's all being funded. Following lunch and meeting a traffic engineer from Burbank, I opted to sit in on an engineering talk. A good decision, as I got to hear two talks about building better projects (San Francisco's Market Street) and infrastructure supporting bicycle safety (San Pablo Ave. in the East Bay). While I'm not an engineer, I understood the discussion far more than I expected. Maybe there's a future in traffic engineering for me? I met some of the important names, like Margot Ocanas (Pedestrian coordinator of LADOT), Darby Watson (Arup), and Andrew Lee (SFMTA), in hopes that I can pave my own way (see what I did there?!) in the California Planning World.

After the completion of talks and a reception (ask me about that faux pas sometimes), I heard NYC Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Kahn talk about how and why PlaNYC put the city at the forefront of sustainable transportation and infrastructure. Since her arrival in 2007, she has put $8 billion to sensible use and has grown the bicycle and recreational infrastructure monumentally. And that is why she is the boss.

Day 1 ended with another transit adventure to USC to visit a dear transportation friend, resulting in 3 missed trains, 1 security checkpoint, and a VERY late dinner.

Friday, March 1
Conferencing Day 2: UCTC Research Conference

Another early day, but a little less time on transit. While I was up at 6am, I still managed to miss my bus to UCLA by a mere 15 seconds. I was literally jumping out of Cat's car as it was pulling away from the terminal. Bummer. Instead, I sat in the sun for 15 minutes and was advised by a fellow transit user to just buy a 35¢ transfer ticket instead of a $1 bus fare. My trip to UCLA had me on a moderately crowded Culver City Rapid 6 bus and taking me in a very different direction than I had the day before. Because I missed my bus, I was delayed and arrived to the conference in time for the first of the talks.

I have to say this: UCLA is BEAUTIFUL. The campus architecture, the facilities, everything. I can completely understand why people don't want to leave. At the risk of losing friends: LA is starting to grow on me (mostly, you can't beat this weather). It was a 10ish minute walk from my stop to the conference, but I got to see the vitality of the campus. Seeing people running around campus and others using skateboards to get to class, I admit that it made me miss being an undergrad.

This conference was a series of presentations of student research from the UC system (of which I was the exception). Presentations were a mix of engineering and planning, but all with the emphasis of  TRANSPORTATION! Admittedly, I was pretty dead by the afternoon lecture (given by this guy), even though he said some pretty awesome and quotable things. My poster presentation went much better than I expected. I didn't think I'd garner much interest, given that I'm not a planner or an engineer. Boy, was I wrong. I was late to my afternoon lectures because I was fielding so many questions!

While the day ended with a killer reception, I had to skip out to catch the bus back to Redondo. I met some lovely economists in the PhD department. Getting home was a relief. I don't remember much, only a margarita and sleeping on the couch.

Saturday, March 2
Conferencing Day 3: Bicycle Workshop

The last day of the conference was optional: workshops. We had a choice between checking out the Sepulveda Pass construction or checking out bicycle infrastructure in Santa Monica. (Guess which one I chose?)

I was BLOWN AWAY! We started at the Bike Center, where a few of us borrowed bikes to cruise around. I got stuck on a hybrid and wished I had brought my cleats, to ensure I'd be on a road bike. We cruised around town and checked out the new barriers, parking, green bikeways, and my favorite: a bike driveway. This provides a VERY large space for people to learn and practice what to do with bike lanes, bike barriers, and practice basic bike skills. I was really impressed with everything Santa Monica has put in and it's obvious the level of success the city has had. Even in the smaller bike lanes on the busier streets, cars were very much aware of the group and didn't act the way I expect cars to act towards cyclists. On this ride, I started considering looking for jobs down in this area.

After we wrapped up the ride, I left the UC group and went with Cat and Drew to breakfast at this BOMB waffle joint. Seriously, the place is so good that if you don't make a reservation, GOOD LUCK in getting a table on any given day at any given time. After brunch, they took me on a tour of Venice Beach. I don't even know how to put into words all the sights, sounds, and smells of this place. No wonder people flock from all over! This was a perfect day of bikes and sunshine (even though I forgot the sunscreen) and family. The day wrapped up with margaritas and playing pool.

Sunday, March 3
Today has been the most relaxing day in I can't remember how long. I spent the morning doing school work (and trying to write this entry) and the afternoon hiking Palos Verdes and checking out the tide pools. The hiking has renewed my desire to do something active (and different) once a week. It's not been enough to just ride my bike to class on Wednesdays and the occasional ride on the weekends. I feel like I need to do more, even with my commitment to my thesis.

As of now, I am still on the golden path to finishing this program. Most of the work remaining is writing the damn thing, but I still have to finish the new and improved survey and complete a few parking surveys. It's still quite a bit and my draft is due in just over a month. Oh...maybe that is a lot in just a short time.

Looks like it's back to the grind...again.

You Know You're an Academic When...

I'm moving up in the world!

Last week, I submitted my very young research to the University of California Transportation Center to present at their upcoming research conference in Los Angeles. AND I GOT IN!

My research is still very young but it boils down to this: Sustainable Transportation Practices in the context of a college institution. Feel free to discuss this with me outside of this blog and over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.

This feels like a really ginormous step in my life. People who have never heard of me will soon know me (and hopefully like me) enough to consider me a part of the team, whichever team that may be! The conference is supposed to be only for students in the UC system, but when my Cal professors encouraged me to submit my preliminary research, I figured "Why not?". You only lose by not trying. So I tried. And I got somewhere with it! I also see this as a step forward for Mills and students in MPP, being recognized for work that isn't immediately associated with public policy.

However, with great work comes great responsibility. And the greatest responsibility: finances. I've been a bit concern in the last week, especially with how finances play into this. Two conference fees and transportation fees rack up quickly. Thanks to the Air Force who elected to have my sister station at LA AFB, I have a place to stay and transport around the area. Students from the UCs are able to have their travel and conference fees reimbursed, but who knows if I'll be so lucky? Mills has been facing a financial crisis the last 3(ish) years and the MPP program is also struggling to stay afloat in some respects. I don't expect I'll be reimbursed for this, so I might just set up a fundraiser.

Money aside, this is a fantastic opportunity on so many levels. Transportation! Los Angeles! Other transportation nerds! Bikes! Seeing my sister! Getting my name out there and representing Mills. Even if it's a short presentation alongside a poster of my work, WHO CARES?! Just when I thought things were grim on the job front, this opportunity comes along. And as expected, my habit of linking revealed to me other organizations and job areas I'm considering pursuing*


*And by this, I mean an MUP in Transportation Policy and Planning. 
WHEN WILL MY OBSESSION WITH SCHOOL CEASE AND DESIST?!

The Last of the Last

I have an excuse for this nearly two month delay in posts. It's called family-time-thesis-research-back-to-having-no-life-after-not-having-a-life-to-begin-with. Here's a brief recap on what's happened since I last wrote and what direction I'm heading in now.

I went home.
I went home to San Antonio for a week at Christmas. It was a nice little visit, though I didn't get to do much. A week at home is enough to see all the friends you wanted to see, drink with the family, visit Dad at the office, and not much else. The highlight was, as always, being with my family and joking with my brother. Having friends over for drinks and chocolate cake wasn't too bad either.

I came back to the Bay.
Other than last year when I was in Jerusalem with Cameron, this is the first time I have celebrated New Years Eve not in Texas. I went to a friend's house party where I got to dress up and be very fancy...and was eye-googled by the many low-caliber men that were in attendance. Complete Sausagefest. I'm not a fan of the ladies in the bed department, but I would have faked being gay that night.

I got sick.
As per usual, I did not get a flu shot this season. I'm glad I didn't waste that money since most EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY got struck with this sickness, even if they got a shot. Though, I'm not entirely certain it was the flu that I caught. I'm pretty sure my sickness was my weak immune system finally giving into the two straight weeks of drinking and cross-country travel. Whatever it was, it put me on my ass in bed for about two weeks. I went through four rolls of toilet paper in a six day period. It was bad.

I got job interviews...and rejection letters

These, I realize, are part of the "Becoming an Adult" process. I applied for an internship with the East Bay Bicycle Coalition (EBBC) doing GIS and mapping for this year's Bike to Work Day. I worked for them last year under a different position and loved the work. While I got the interview, I didn't get the position. Considering I've only been doing GIS for 4 months, it was inevitable that someone else had more experience than me. I also got a rejection letter from the State Auditor's office in Sacramento. This should have come as no surprise, since my writing assessment was absolutely atrocious. My coping mechanism included half a bottle of wine and a hot bath, followed by some irrelevant internet surfing. While it's not my most graceful moment, I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and able to move on. I anticipate I won't have to go through this process again for future rejections.

Other than that, I am on my usual track of writing my master's thesis, (occasionally) riding my bike, fixing other peoples' bikes, and trying to maintain my sanity through various outlets. This semester, despite the gravity of my final project, should not be as bad as last semester and should be manageable. Which means you'll get to hear from me more!

(I promise.)

Last Days (And Not Because of the "Apocalypse")

These last days of the semester are like every other semester, save for one exception: I'm not freaking out. Again, I think it's evidence that I'm growing up and handling challenges in a sensible, rational way. I didn't buy an industrial pack of Redbull from CostCo. I'm not wasting time on websites (except for this one). The final papers have instead turned into a reflection of 2012 and to a degree, further back.

Most of you have only heard about my academic obligations and my career endeavors. Only some of you have heard the nitty-gritty that has become my personal life. Most of the nitty-gritty has worked out and taken care of itself but some details still remain. These details have become the greatest stressors in my life, far more than school and work have been.

In juggling this personal life and my graduate program, I've figured out much about myself, how I operate, and why I think the way I do. And instead of trying to actively change these, I've figured out how to work around them.

I realized that I don't think linearly or even cyclically like most. Instead, I think conically, in circles and moving across a spectrum in a rapid and unpredictable manner. No wonder people have had difficulty figuring out how I got from Point A to Point F in a matter of a few steps.

I've begun to understand the basis of my relationships, both platonic and romantic. I've figured out where I'm invested, where I'm not, and where this stems from. What I struggle with is addressing these different problems. I'm seeing changes in my lifestyle and the effects these changes are having. I'm struggling to get back on track to where I want to be. But this came after the hardest reflection: figuring out what I want.

This existential reflection is necessary for human development. Everyone goes through it at some point and no one is excused from the "what does it all mean?!" moments that we often classify as quarter- or mid-life crises. While I haven't skipped them altogether, my existential crises have scaled back considerably (compared to last year) and only pop up under the inevitable pressures associated with deadlines (like the past two weeks).

The coping mechanisms have changed in some ways. I still clean extensively to clear my head and I still check my email compulsively. But I'm not pounding energy drinks and locking myself away. I'm not snapping at people under duress. I'm sitting comfortably in the library, writing notes in all places, listening to either RHCP or classical piano on Pandora. I'm not yearning for the bike rides my friends are going on tonight, as I used to. My wheels are rubber side down and I'm crossing things off the list.

The sense of success and accomplishment is also different. I'm taking more pride in my work (probably because I love what I'm doing) and working harder to produce better work. My success in my planning classes is evidenced by the perfect (or near perfect) scores on memos, maps, and presentations. And while I've not been as successful in my other classes, the fact that I'm reading comments and revising papers based on those comments shows that I'm taking it seriously. The truth is: I haven't been this serious about school in...probably four years or so?

Yesterday, I finalized my plans for my MPR and, while it's not necessary for another four weeks, began outlining my research and making notes. It's probably the most I've been motivated this semester. And although I still have two papers to crank out over the next two days, I'm not worried that I'm going to do poorly or that I'm not going to get it down in the timeframe I've set for myself. RHCP and the piano are keeping me going, as well as the reward of rebuilding and riding my carbon as soon as Monday.

Even with all this work, I couldn't be happier with this semester and every stumble-and-fall I made. Here's to the end of this and the beginning of that.

Trade-Offs

My dad has always told me "Life is a series of trade-offs, Jilsie. You have to realize that not everything is going to be perfect all the time, but that there's always a silver lining."It's a lesson I started to listen to sometime in high school and that has followed me all the way to my inevitable career path.

Part of public policy is weighing the costs against the benefits. We often call these trade-offs (or compromise, in some cases); what we are willing to give up, in order to gain.

In graduate school, there are many trade-offs we face in our daily decision-making:

• Turn a paper in on time, but sacrifice sleep
• Give up sleep to get that paper in time, but sacrifice some of the quality
• Going to the library instead of going to the bar
• Giving up a shift at work (and income) to finish class assignments

Most of my trade-offs have fallen into one of the above categories. My favorite one has been skipping bike rides with friends and going to the gym to work out, in order to finish papers and other assignments. One trade-off I have NOT given up is sleep. It may leave me turning in assignments a bit late or sub-par in quality, but it means that I'm not snapping at people or lashing out when it comes down to the wire (which is where I am right now in the semester).  

Trade-offs are also coming in the form of job opportunities. A few weeks ago, I was offered a job at a high end bicycle shop in Berkeley. This time, I wouldn't be selling, but working in an administrative and managerial position. In addition, I would be responsible for incorporating advocacy involvement into the shop's overall mission and goals. Aside from being able to work alongside some really cool guys, I'd get to work with one of my best friends, as well as one of the funniest mechanics that I know. Obviously, this is a great opportunity for me, to finally combine my skills with my passion.

But you know what happens next: something is standing in the way. That "something" is a dream internship position with the City. I applied for three different internships within the same division: parking policies, Complete Streets projects, and bikeway and facilities design. Again, an opportunity that combines both my passions and my skills. (Not to mention a SWEET pay and a foot in the door).

How do you choose? One job was offered before I find out about the other one. Do I say Thanks, but I'll pass, under the assumption that you'll get the dream job? Or do I say Here's the situation, let me get back to you?

Luckily, I didn't have to do either.

Unfortunately, I wasn't selected for 2 of the 3 internship positions. I also have considerable doubts in being chosen for the last one. 

But now, I can consider the job as a real possibility, rather than a missed opportunity. I still have to lay my future plans out on the line for the owner, but when in doubt, tell the truth.

While I'm mildly bummed out that I didn't get the internship, I've picked up where I've left off and have been working to make more money, finding a client for my MPR, and finishing up my work for the semester. 

The other silver lining is that I made the cast of Vagina Monologues, showing end of February. Not working 16 hours a week with the City means I can make all rehearsals and put on a great performance. Shameless plug: please come support Mills, as well as a cast of incredibly talented ladies, this February! More information to come. :)

And for your reading and logic pleasure, 

a pie graph displaying one of life's best trade-offs.